To George W. Bush, sworn President of the United States:

You are a dismal failure, whether anyone near you will tell you that or not. You have cost us billions upon billions of dollars, and thousands upon thousands of American lives, plus uncounted tens of thousands of Iraqi lives and other "collateral damage," in an unprovoked, illegal, and unprecedented invasion and occupation of Iraq, under the ever-changing banners of WMDs, Saddam, Freedom, Democracy, and finally "protection of the world's petroleum reserves."

You and your cabinet have consistently demonstrated a disdain for truth, for law, and compassion in any form. You encourage Americans to "support the troops" while you cut their benefits, extend their missions, continue to order the use of DU weapons and refuse to test returning troops for radiation poisoning.

While you may have given up drinking alcohol, it is clear that you are heavily dependent upon psychoactive medications to maintain your public demeanor. This is not fooling anyone: your jaw-clenching, blinking, sniffling, and frequent inappropriate smirking laughter are dead giveaways that only these prescribed mental restraints are keeping you from behaving in public as violently and erratically as you have been reported to have behaved in private meetings. Like when you shouted "Stop throwing the goddam Constitution in my face! It's just a goddam piece of paper!" Remember that one?

So do resign as soon as possible. We really can't affor you any more. You can always say you'd like to "spend more time with your family."

Oh, and please, please, please: take Dick, Condi, Rummy, Wolfie, and Karl with you. Don't let the door hit your behinds on your way out.