137,116,482 petition signatures
Ann Coulter- Please Off Yourself
- signatures:
- signature goal: 1,776
- Target: Ann Coulter, Author, c/o The Premiere Speakers Bureau
- Sponsored by: Japhy Grant
This petition urges Ann Coulter: Author, hate-monger, enemy of America- to kill herself.
Dear Ann,
We noticed that Ad Age's Simon Dumenco recently urged you to kill yourself in an article he wrote called "Media Guy's WIKYpedia: Would it Kill You to Stop It?" After some thought about it, we decided this was a fantastic idea. We, the undersigned, whole-heartedly agree with this sentiment and write you today to say that, as proud Americans, we no longer wish to have you among us- at all.
I know you think that people who disagree with your beliefs are weak-willed wimps, but as you can see, we're not. We're totally okay with seeing you dead, we'd do it ourselves if we weren't so law-abiding. Just because we don't think that 9/11 widows are "harpies" and that women should be barred from voting so Republicans win elections doesn't make us "traitors", but that's not really your point Ann, is it?
See, we get you Ann. We're not upset by your idiotic rhetoric about all of us being traitors anymore than a mother gets upset when their six year-old ruins the new sofa with magic markers. None of us take your diatribes seriously, we're just annoyed- annoyed of seeing your face and annoyed of having you be a member of the human race.
We're sure there are lots of people who believe your out-of-date, vaguely plagiarized rants and we're sure a lot of lonely gun nuts jerk off at night to the idea of thrusting themselves into your cold and sterile vagina and we realize these people may miss you- and I'm sure Hannity will miss you, but the rest of us won't.
We realize that we're never going to get you to talk about things in a rational way anymore than we're going to get Koko the gorilla to say more than "Me pretty baby juice", but that's because America has spoiled you. All that attention the mainstream media gave you convinced you that somehow people actually cared about your opinions, but seriously Ann, admit it- you know deep in your heart that the world really does know what a stupid bitch you are.
For years now, we've been hoping that the mainstream press would just stop covering your disgusting antics, but unfortunately, the mainstream liberal press has realized that after cars on fire and hurricanes, Americans love nothing more than watching some crazy-as-fuck white lady lose her shit on national television. The prospect of an 80-year-old Ann Coulter showing up on our holo-vids, rasping on about the "Godless Clintonian Cyborg Army" is just too much for us to bear.
Ann, please take your hate mongering, treasonous, godless, self out of the equation. If you really love America, kill yourself. As Americans, we promise we'll be strong on the day we read about your demise. In fact, we won't even shed a tear.
Respectfully,
The Undersigned
We noticed that Ad Age's Simon Dumenco recently urged you to kill yourself in an article he wrote called "Media Guy's WIKYpedia: Would it Kill You to Stop It?" After some thought about it, we decided this was a fantastic idea. We, the undersigned, whole-heartedly agree with this sentiment and write you today to say that, as proud Americans, we no longer wish to have you among us- at all.
I know you think that people who disagree with your beliefs are weak-willed wimps, but as you can see, we're not. We're totally okay with seeing you dead, we'd do it ourselves if we weren't so law-abiding. Just because we don't think that 9/11 widows are "harpies" and that women should be barred from voting so Republicans win elections doesn't make us "traitors", but that's not really your point Ann, is it?
See, we get you Ann. We're not upset by your idiotic rhetoric about all of us being traitors anymore than a mother gets upset when their six year-old ruins the new sofa with magic markers. None of us take your diatribes seriously, we're just annoyed- annoyed of seeing your face and annoyed of having you be a member of the human race.
We're sure there are lots of people who believe your out-of-date, vaguely plagiarized rants and we're sure a lot of lonely gun nuts jerk off at night to the idea of thrusting themselves into your cold and sterile vagina and we realize these people may miss you- and I'm sure Hannity will miss you, but the rest of us won't.
We realize that we're never going to get you to talk about things in a rational way anymore than we're going to get Koko the gorilla to say more than "Me pretty baby juice", but that's because America has spoiled you. All that attention the mainstream media gave you convinced you that somehow people actually cared about your opinions, but seriously Ann, admit it- you know deep in your heart that the world really does know what a stupid bitch you are.
For years now, we've been hoping that the mainstream press would just stop covering your disgusting antics, but unfortunately, the mainstream liberal press has realized that after cars on fire and hurricanes, Americans love nothing more than watching some crazy-as-fuck white lady lose her shit on national television. The prospect of an 80-year-old Ann Coulter showing up on our holo-vids, rasping on about the "Godless Clintonian Cyborg Army" is just too much for us to bear.
Ann, please take your hate mongering, treasonous, godless, self out of the equation. If you really love America, kill yourself. As Americans, we promise we'll be strong on the day we read about your demise. In fact, we won't even shed a tear.
Respectfully,
The Undersigned
This petition is now closed.
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Your signature has been delivered to:Ann Coulter, Author, c/o The Premiere Speakers Bureau
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