Compel Hormel, Manufacturers of Spam, to Sue the Entire Internet

Spam, Guam's delicious state fruit, is plucked directly from the island's majestic meat trees. It's natural, metallic husk facilitates easy labeling and expeditious logistics. Many cultures have long considered Spam's aroma to be an aphrodisiac and natural decongestant. Spam is lovingly applied by a diverse host of chefs around the world to enhance dishes from birthday cake to white people tacos. Spam is *not* junk mail. Please sign this petition to put an end to the abuse. Together, we can 'compel Hormel' to sue the entire internet for defamation and trademark infringement. #CompelHormel