Twilight remake for the loyal fans

Okay, so I went to the movies last night by myself. I secretly wanted to watch this film so sneaked out of the house to view the last screening (around 9pm). I had read the first book that my sister had won in a seafood competition (she only has the first one, damn it!) and instantly wanted to see the movie. As I waited in line I saw people walking out of the last screening with big smile on their faces, this got me excited. I bought my ticket and a tasty meat crow pie to satisfy my stomach hunger.

I finally got into the cinema after a nasty argument with the ticket taker. He was insisting that Twilight was for girls ONLY, I totally pwned him by calling him a queen riot. He tried to feather dust me but I escaped with an awesome kick flip to the cinema 7 door. I lost him in the darkness and found an acceptable seat for my comfort. I was content at the amount of screen large I had received, it was bigger than the last time I went to the movies (Bad Boys with Sean Penn). I was an happy camper until a boulder woman sat right in front of my vision line, I could only see the two sides of the screen, just like a split in bowling. I moved so that I could sit in front of HER as payback. I sat on my shoes for some extra height, it worked well. Now that we are all seated we can view the movie. As the FOX logo appeared on the screen with their "dum dum dum dum!" I heard the boulder complain about something, a second later she rolled away.

First things first, I want to say that the actors were totally wrong. Since when did Edmund have meter long skyward hair? Roberto Pattinson is a cheap, little imp. He can't act and he is NOT a real vampire. That other troll Kristen Stewart (yeah right!) is so like a stupid person, she is a very bad choice for a vampire movie. This movie cannot work if the actors are bad, it's terribly painful to watch bad actors acting. The man that played Alice Cullen (Edmund's mom) is totally miscast to the max, I don't think they could of cast someone worse than whoever they cast as him. And the guy that played Bella's long last uncle (Charlie Swan) was ridiculous, I think I almost cried when his thoughts turned to words. The rest of the cast was absolutely pathetic, so generic and laughable, like little gnomes from the garden.

Second is the stupid plot. Did the writers even read the book? I guess not considering Titanic was a better ship. I thought the book was about vampires, not dancing octopi. If you turned the pages of the book you would know that Lucy actually DOES exist, they totally butchered the ending and I am devastated. When Edmund gave the homeless man his black cape he isn't suppose to act like it was CHARITY, he's supposed to feel remorse for his sins and the demons that his mother created. Bella Swan was only a member of the Ruby Slave Foundation for 5 years, not 10! She had obviously left the cult after her father when crazy and slaughtered his clam collection. Everything was pretty much out of place, didn't happen in the book or was changed to suit the writer. She (MELISSA ROSENBERG) has no ability and I will avoid everything she is associated with now and in the future, which means I have to DESTROY my Dexter DVD.

Third was the total lack male director. WTF?! I mean I like Lords of Dogtown but Hardwicke is the worst director ever, even if she does have an amusing name. There should be a man in charge of his minions and the woman bringing the coffee, that is how it's done in my house. Seriously though (not really) if there is a good movie directed by a woman please tell me, thanks. Anyway, you could tell that she stole EVERY shot ever created, claimed them as original and now laughs with her millions of filthy dollars. I am sickened and am honestly thinking about asking for my $7 back, I earned it and my doctor told me not to spend it on junk. I didn't listen, ugh!.