PROTECT THE CHILDREN

 My name is Marlene Duperley and I am a single mother from Brooklyn, New York. I am writing this letter on behalf of all the real parents who are committed to the process of raising and loving their children. Who understand that regardless of your circumstances, once you have made the decision to have a child that now becomes your main priority in life.

 

President Obama delivered a speech that spoke to the very heart of what I am proposing today. He spoke of the importance of family and the reality that too many fathers are “M.I.A, they are missing from too many lives and too many homes, they have abandoned their responsibilities and are acting like boys instead of men, and the foundations of our family has suffered because of it.”

I am a product of a two parent home and feel that I am a rarity in my African American Community, and that is sad. As a woman I can share the joy and opportunity I have had growing up with my father and mother there everyday. This relationship has molded the person I am today. Unfortunately, this is not the norm and I feel I need to help do something, if anything about this.

I was left to nurture my pregnancy by myself  when my son’s father decided that “he needed to go and make a life for himself”. He came back a week before my son was born and stayed for ten days. Collected the documents to receive his birth certificate and social security card and left. I was forced to heal from a C-section and care for a newborn with no help, no income and no emotional support. I reached out to him several times and it was his mother that responded instead to tell me he was too busy to answer because he was moving. Within a few months I was served with papers and appeared in court. He had filed for custody and visitation. After seeing the judge, visitation was granted to him for two days a week. He cancelled when he felt like it, showed up when he felt like it and there was nothing I could do about it. This is still going on today and now we have to meet at a police precinct because of his non- committal practices. My son will be three in March.

 

My concern is this, if you have someone who practices the same behaviors over and over again and makes no effort to change, why would we think that a person would not walk out of their child’s life again? As a parent what are my rights to protect my child’s emotional stability? We all know that children suffer extreme consequences from having part time parents and/or absent parents.

 

 

Here is what I propose…..

 

If a parent abandons a child; meaning they leave before the child is born, or at any point in the child's life and then attempts to come back and use the court system to further their “biological right” providing no legal/documented reason for leaving, not only do they have to take a vigorous term of parenting classes that include the psychology of children but also need to commit to at least 2 years of parent child visitation that is consistent and monitored. After successful completion of this visitation period then they will be allowed over night visits unmonitored and then grow into "normal" visitation of shared parenting. My point here is to protect the child from people who believe that they can come in and out of a child's life, causing emotional distress for the child and the household. I feel if the term is difficult enough but reasonable as well and they are able to successfully abide, then at least that would give a very good indication that this person is now showing some responsibility, commitment and reliability that they intend to stay in the child's life. Also the parent that proves the abandonment must also abide by the terms of the visitation allowing the then fleeing party to reconcile their actions.

 

If our system can come up with a way to financially protect the rights of children, hence the condition of child support being 17% of the non custodial parents income, then how much more important is it to come up with a plan that stipulates the degree of significance in protecting the emotional welfare of the child. Children NEED both parents. If a parent is law abiding, meaning not jailed or involved in any criminal activity, proven to not be abusive in any manner, but just decides they do not feel like dealing with their responsibility of taking care of a child they helped to make, then just like the law can arrest them for unpaid child support they should feel the penalty of abandoning their child!

 

The courts are swamped with thousands and thousands of cases everyday because of the selfishness and immaturity of people who want to make babies but not raise them. Let’s start to put an end to this misuse of time and money and place it where it can make a difference and help to rebuild our families.

 

 

 

 

 

NOTE:

This does not apply to soldiers of war who must commit to active duty and may be gone for lengths of time.

This is also not to be confused with the parents who are unjustly being kept away from their children. In fact, I believe this can also help to rectify that situation. As a parent I would do whatever I needed to do to make sure I am a daily part of my children’s life, I see no reason why someone who says they are committed to their responsibility and to their children, would walk away from this “opportunity”.

To clarify, this again is about parents (mothers or fathers) that abandon their children.

 

 

I know that there is much to be defined and ironed out when it comes to something as important and complicated as this but I do believe that we can start somewhere. The time is now to set our sights on protecting our children and protecting the family unit.

 

 

Thank you so much for your time and efforts.

 

 

 

 

Sincerely,

Marlene Duperley