Dear Canada:
Congratulations on the new Gordie Howe International Bridge.
It is a particularly apt and beautiful symbol of the many things that have connected our countries as friends and allies for more than 200 years.
And we were going to have one hell of a party to celebrate its opening.
Unfortunately, our president is an A-hole.
Instead of simply enjoying the celebration, spending time with some of the world's nicest people and maybe, just maybe, singing along to a song or two from Alanis Morissette, Donald Trump turned the bridge's opening into yet another opportunity to threaten, insult and behave like a world-class asshole.
Canada spent billions of dollars to build the bridge connecting Windsor and Detroit, a move that could have huge economic benefits for both cities. Trump responded by delaying its opening with a brand-new and unhinged demand for a share of the revenue, and by launching yet another reckless trade war.
Because, as previously noted, he is an A-hole.
But the rest of us, Americans from sea to shining sea, join together in thanking you for being such wonderful neighbors, steadfast friends and the source of approximately 98 percent of all our comedians.
Seriously, it's unbelievable.
And also for stuff like this (hell yes, we remember)
As for our asshole president, we're sorry.
Our countries are connected by far more than a bridge. We are neighbors, allies, trading partners and friends.
Trump will eventually be gone.
The bridge, and our friendship, will remain.
So until then, thank you, Canada. And sorry our president is such an A-hole.
